please find me here

reWIND

this is how i feel today...

here's hoping tomorrow finds trouble melting like lemon drops way above the chimney tops...

rewind

i wonder who will find me here.

it has been a while, but the turn of the clock and reflections on the past year have me in a sentimental mood. plus my computer crashed AGAIN, and i'm learning how to use a hand-me down computer AGAIN, and that little rainbow wheel just keeps spinning (i imagine its mocking happy face turning turning turning), so i can't post pictures on my new page, and, oh well...

i fell completely in love last march when i began this blog. but soon the walls closed in, and i ran for the hills.  i'm not moving back here permanently; you can never step into the same river twice, right?  what you can do, is pull out your old photos of that pre-kids pre-responsibilities whitewater rafting vacation, and remember what it was like to be young and single and unfettered by star-bellied sneeches who tell you 'no'.

have i lost you? have i even found you? yes? no? well...my point is i'm re-posting thoughts from when i was new to this space. i regret that i lost your original comments; they meant so much to me, but they are still here in my heart.

enjoy!

please excuse me if everyone has seen this video already, but michelle's post left me wanting to do my share to part the clouds and help usher in a new day.

so this one goes out to ty, and his effort to fill the hungry bellies of people who have less than he.

it goes out to my sister as she stays up too late chasing away the monsters under her bed. it goes out to the chickens and all those barely tolerating the southern heat as we in the northeast are filled to bursting with heavenly showers.

it goes out to funny ladies who make us smile on the toughest of days. and people who would give their last penny to encourage someone they hardly know.

it goes out to the poets and the dreamers.

it goes out to those whose dreams, after what seemed like an impossible eternity have finally come true.

and to everyone who has read my words, whether once in passing or as part of their daily bread.

this one goes out to the network we are creating...the power we are harnessing.

it goes out to each of six degrees that are one by one dropping like flies, and to the miracle we will create when we are truly ready to shed all difference and distance.




until then, be well. i'll see you on the other side of tomorrow.

i'm actually crying with the FEAR of writing this. what a DORK!

i have to assume you are the ONLY person reading this, and i'm sure it's okay with YOU if i cry, and if i can't spell, and if i'm NOT FUNNY.

because you actually knew me when i was YOUNG. when there was promise. when we still assumed everything would be great. forget great...AMAZING. when the world... the woods, were ours. capture the flag and kickball and everything was MAGIC, and there was no question that we would SOAR.

and now. i'm not so much soaring. i could. i KNOW i could. but my heart is broken after so much SHIT, you know?

my kids are gorgeous. they're perfect, and SWEET, and healthy.

but their dad hasn't paid child support in THREE YEARS, and i can't even find him to get a DIVORCE, and i love my new man, but he's a TRAINWRECK, and i was laid off, and my daddy's gone and my family is definately crazier than yours.

my MOM didn't even call to check in on me after i lost my job. nice, huh?

i have the GREATEST fair-weather family. really. they're great. we have fun, we drink wine, we laugh our ASSES off. but when you actually need something...

and i need something. i hope to GOD what's happening right now, is that i am opening a door.

i PRAY that when i hit the 'post' button some cosmic rusted bolt squeaks open and a GLORIOUS beautiful ANGEL ushers me into a place at least a smidgen more PEACEFUL than the one which i now occupy.

that there will be some sort of REPRIEVE, and that i will STEP BACK into the possibility that we all BURNED with when we were 8. or 9. or even 10.

may it BE so.

starting over

i have to say, today, this feels really good.

my *ohm mane padme ohmmmm* guru blog mom at PIECE OF CAKE said it would, and she was right.
to re-member who i once was, who i actually am underneath the calcified shell that is an absolute must have fashion accessory if you are even considering spending your days and nights as a human being in new york city.

in bed-stuy, no less...home of lil' kim, smif-n-wessun (what?!!!), mike tyson, and frank mcCourt...ever read 'angel's ashes'?...

of all the god-forsaken, babylonian places on planet earth to raise your kids. i mean, seriously. what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was i thinking? actually, i LOVE my 'hood.

but i digress.

as much as it felt incredibly satisfying to vent, to emote, to express some of my immense disappointment, as well as a little bit of hope, and have someone out there say

you're right
and it felt absolutely fantastic to successfully find and post pictures from the interweb, without the help of a homo sapien who, by the luck of the draw, happens to wear their gonads on the outside, what i am supposed to be doing is sharing this...

...my most recent attempt at starting over.

after close to 20 years of designing (somewhat frightening) novelty sweaters for other people, i am reinventing myself as a recession-depression entrepreneur.

so, what started as an occasional foray into embellishing sweaters and tee-shirts for birthday gifts is becoming a bit of a full-blown cottage industry; i'm boiling sweaters and making a line of toys (reCREATION), 'heir jewelry' (reADORN), bags (rePORTAGE), and costumes(reCOVER).

if only the faeries and i could keep the cottage out of foreclosure...

mother's day, 2009

these are not the dishes that my significant other washed while allowing me to sleep four hours longer than the rest of the family (in his stead. ahem).

i was awake by 6.15, and these dishes piled up before 9. and while they piled up i did what moms, what women have been doing ever since we were first dragged into caves by the weaker sex.

i created.


i learned something about my instinct to make pretty things last fall when i sat every wednesday with a group of moms from my children's school, working on crafts to raise money at our annual winter fair.

initially i simply thought it a good idea to learn some new techniques; i had never before felted, or made a doll.

about 15 minutes into the first session, a funny thing happened.

my shoulders began to drop from their usual perch up around my ears, and my back straightened . i ceased thinking about how much time i was taking away from the office, or what form of torture my boss would have waiting for me when i returned.

i didn't think about laundry, or dishes, or taxes. and although we may have more cause than anyone else i know, for three full hours every wednesday, none of the mommies whined. do you know why?

because there is no whining in nirvana.

after six weeks of new projects, far too many all-nighters, lots of laughter, a few tears, and a whole lot of getting to know the people whose children spend their days with mine, i had made this..

after a successful fair my schedule returned to normal, as did the quasimodish curve of my spine. then one night it dawned on me. all those weeks sitting in that circle, sharing, creating... i didn't have a single negative, self-depricating, defeatist thought.

i had felt satisfied.

while promoting his most recent book, i heard michael pollan say something like 'if you do things the way your mom or grandmother or great grandmother did, you'll probably be headed in the right direction'. which might explain why i feel so okay when i am crafting.

you see, my mom makes pretty things. as did my aunties, and great-grandmom, and a whole host of women who came before them.

for ever and ever, women have sat in circles, cared for each other's children, laughed, cried, and made things...

alphabet blocks, the circular saw, the dishwasher, the elevated railway, the fire escape, the medical syringe, the windshield wiper, and most importantly, the chocolate-chip cookie.

all invented by women.

so this mother's day instead of sleeping in, getting my toenails painted and going to brunch, i woke up early and i made this robot...

then i made breakfast, let the dishes begin their steady march toward the ceiling, and made this tea party hat...

and my shoulders relaxed, my back straightened, and i didn't even hear my kids whining.

because there is no whining in nirvana.


hope you had a very happy mother's day...

this'll be a piece of cake!

i'll start with a friendly reminder...just two more days til friday... which means time is running out for your name to be entered into the great cupcake give away!

that's right. our lovely laura from PIECE OF CAKE came up with the brilliant idea to send this 'a blog is born' treat to one of you lucky blogettes. all you need to do is post a comment...

laura knows you all (too) well, but i am a quick study. hence, i have come up with a brilliant idea of my own..

tell your friends about my blog, the giveaway...if they mention you
in their comment , your name will be tossed in the hat as many times as i see it!
hey, we know how to throw a paaaar-tay here in brooklyn.

anyhoo.

i didn't make anything today. it was far too beautiful, far too perfect to sit behind a sewing machine. but i didn't want the day to pass without putting some energy toward my sprouting uh..sprout. so...

since we already had a playdate planned after school pickup, i strong-armed mama andy (i brought out the big guns. you know, cheese, olives, chips!) into donning some 'heir pieces', hoping to get some good shots for my website.

this one in my favorite...
i know, i know. doesn't so much showcase my work. unless my work happens to be raising a delicious little sunbeam. which it is not. my work happens to be raising two delicious little sunbeams. here is the other one...

yeah, i didn't actually sew today, but i did drop the kids to school. and i picked them up. not only did i pick them up, but i was there early, and got to show my face... be a bit of a presence at my children's school...i couldn't do that two weeks ago, before i was laid off of my 9-5.

time with my kids? after years of feeling like i was the most horrible of all creatures..an absent mom... that is a ray of light..

oh, yeah...then of course there were the two lords of the flies that somehow found their way into my back yard.

is it only my kids who wind up in some state of undress at every playdate??
anyone? anyone?
we did finally manage to hose them down and corral them inside for some aaarrrrg...

pirate's booty before c.p.s. was called. phew.